Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
