Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
