Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
