sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't deserve a penis
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
