Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
