Apparently you make a good broom.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
