so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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