Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
