Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All I want is dick and wine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
