i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
