What did we do last night that was yellow?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
