Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
