Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
