Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
