nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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