you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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