just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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