break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
