a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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