Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
