Screwed.edu
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
