You just made me feel so damn special
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
