I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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