I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
