i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
