You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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