why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
