Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my poor anus
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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