they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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