White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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