Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
