you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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