Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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