I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
