I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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