you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
