Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
