i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
