Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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