When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was CRYING into my vagina
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
