I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
