Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
