the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
