i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
