My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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