you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
