found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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