I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
