They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
