pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
