Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
