You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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