just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
